Dear readers, for decades, the focus on success has been overwhelmingly centred on IQ—Intelligence Quotient. High IQ scores have been seen as the golden ticket to prestigious schools, lucrative careers, and, of course, happiness. But what if I told you that IQ is only a small part of the equation when it comes to living a fulfilling life?
Recent research reveals that Emotional Intelligence (EQ) plays a much more significant role in happiness and success than IQ. In fact, while IQ accounts for just about 20% of the factors that lead to happiness, 80% of our emotional well-being is governed by our EQ. Let’s explore how you can cultivate a stronger EQ and enhance your emotional well-being.
What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?
Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as the ability to recognize, understand, and influence the emotions of others.
It's about being self-aware, empathizing with others, managing stress, and regulating our responses in tough situations.
One of the most striking observations from the pandemic was that people with higher EQ were more resilient—they were better able to navigate the stress, uncertainty, and isolation that the crisis brought. Those with a lower EQ often struggled more to cope. For example, a colleague who had high emotional intelligence might have recognized their anxiety during the lockdown and found productive ways to cope—such as meditating, journaling, or staying connected with friends and family virtually. On the other hand, someone with lower EQ might have resorted to isolation, becoming overwhelmed by their emotions and struggling to manage stress.
The good news is that, unlike IQ, EQ can be cultivated. With small, mindful changes to our habits and lifestyle, we can improve our emotional intelligence. Let’s look at a few simple steps that can help you build a stronger EQ and, in turn, achieve emotional well-being.
Step 1: Build Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It’s the ability to tune into your own emotions, understand what they are telling you, and notice how they influence your behavior.
For example, let’s say you’re feeling irritated during a meeting at work. You notice yourself becoming tense, and your heart rate increases. Instead of reacting immediately, take a moment to reflect on why you’re feeling this way. Is it because you disagree with something that was said? Are you feeling unheard or undervalued? This level of self-awareness can help you pause before reacting emotionally.
Unfortunately, many of us don’t have a rich vocabulary for emotions. We might say we’re “upset,” but are we angry, frustrated, sad, or anxious? Expanding your emotional vocabulary is one of the first steps in becoming more self-aware. For instance, instead of just saying “I’m angry,” ask yourself: “Am I frustrated, annoyed, or outraged?” The more precisely you can label your emotions, the better equipped you’ll be to manage them.
Another part of self-awareness is recognizing your strengths. Many people focus more on their weaknesses than their strengths—whether it's because of societal expectations or our educational system. For example, if you’re a good writer but struggle with math, society might tell you to focus on your math skills and ignore your writing talent. But knowing what you're good at and using those strengths to your advantage is a powerful way to boost emotional well-being. In my workshops, I often ask participants to list their top ten strengths and weaknesses. The results are clear: most people spend more time focusing on what they feel they need to improve rather than celebrating their innate talents. Think about it—if you’re a good listener, lean into that strength in your relationships. If you’re creative, make time for activities that foster that creativity.
Step 2: Practice Self-Regulation
Once you have self-awareness, the next step is learning how to regulate your emotions. This means being able to pause, breathe, and think before reacting—especially in moments of anger, fear, or anxiety.
Let’s say you're having a heated argument with your partner. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you might later regret. But self-regulation can help you take a step back. Instead of responding impulsively, you could say, “I’m upset right now, and I need a few minutes to collect my thoughts before I continue this conversation.”
This simple technique can prevent unnecessary conflict and help you maintain a sense of emotional balance. In high-stress situations, it’s critical to take a deep breath and give yourself time to think about your response, rather than reacting impulsively. Research has shown that emotional regulation can significantly improve both personal and professional relationships.
Step 3: Develop Empathy
Empathy—the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes and feel what they’re feeling—is another crucial element of emotional intelligence. Empathy helps us connect with others, manage conflict, and strengthen our relationships.
For instance, during the pandemic, many of us found that checking in with friends or family became even more essential. Imagine a close friend shares that they’ve been struggling with isolation and loneliness. If you can empathize with how they’re feeling, you might respond with, “I can’t imagine how tough that must be for you. Is there anything I can do to help?” This empathetic response goes beyond simply sympathizing—it acknowledges their emotions and offers a sense of connection.
Empathy is especially useful during times of conflict. For example, if a colleague is upset at work, rather than immediately defending your position, try understanding their perspective first. You might say, “I see you’re frustrated. Can you help me understand what happened from your side?” This approach often leads to a more constructive and collaborative solution.
Step 4: Master Delayed Gratification
In today’s fast-paced world, instant gratification is everywhere. Whether it’s through online shopping, social media likes, or food delivery, we’re accustomed to getting what we want, when we want it. But learning to delay gratification is a powerful tool for emotional well-being.
The famous Marshmallow Experiment by psychologist Walter Mischel at Stanford University demonstrated that children who were able to resist the temptation to eat a marshmallow immediately (in exchange for two marshmallows later) were more likely to succeed later in life. The ability to delay gratification is linked to self-control and better emotional regulation.
For example, in a workplace setting, consider someone working on a long-term project. Rather than rushing to complete it quickly just for the immediate reward of checking it off the list, the person with higher emotional intelligence might pace themselves, focusing on quality over speed, knowing that the long-term payoff will be worth the extra effort. The same principle applies to financial goals—saving money for future security rather than splurging on instant luxuries.
When we learn to delay our desires and make decisions based on long-term benefits rather than immediate rewards, we become more resilient and emotionally secure.
Step 5: Cultivate Positive Habits
Finally, incorporating activities that promote well-being into your daily life can make a big difference.Engaging in creative activities—whether it’s painting, dancing, gardening, or even taking a walk—can help reduce stress and boost your mood.
For example, painting or drawing can be a form of self-expression that helps release pent-up emotions, while gardening has been shown to improve mental health by reducing anxiety and depression.
Practices like mindfulness and listening to your gut instincts can also lead to a deeper sense of emotional balance. Mindfulness helps you stay present and aware of your feelings without being overwhelmed by them. For example, during a stressful day at work, you could take a 5-minute mindfulness break: close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and let go of your tension.
Following your intuition, such as trusting your gut when making big decisions, can lead you toward fulfilling, authentic experiences. Perhaps you’re considering a career change, and while the practical choice is one option, your intuition pulls you toward a different path. Listening to that inner voice may lead to greater satisfaction in the long run.
Achieving emotional well-being isn’t an overnight process—it’s a lifelong journey. By focusing on self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and delayed gratification, we can build a solid foundation for emotional health. Remember, emotional intelligence is not something you’re born with; it’s something you can grow. Small, consistent efforts every day can lead to big changes in your life.
So, what can you do today to improve your emotional well-being?
Start by embracing your emotions, managing your relationships with empathy, and making decisions that serve your long-term happiness.
Stay positive and stay happy.
Very well written stepwise how to build stronger EQ. Very informative and easy to understand as they are with examples.
Very insightful!
Extremely well articulated !